The Crazy Stories of Sonic the Hedgehog!
by Sakura Eir Kuchiki
Summary: Retarded and crazy stories about Sonic and his friends! Like, really retarded. Read to find out. First Sonic fanfic!
1. Chaos in the Hall

_Ren: Hi! First Sonic ficcy! It's sorta going to be like my other story, Star Ocean's Gone Random! Only starring Sonic and his friends! (They do appear in my other story.) So, welcome to The Crazy Stories of Sonic the Hedgehog!_

_Sonic: ...We're all gonna die..._

_Ren: SHUT IT!!! You're not suppose to say it out loud! Uh...I mean...er..._

_Shadow: ...Aaaww god damnit...I KNEW I should've brought the damn gun!_

_Ren: Uhh...-coughI'msogladIdidn'ttellthemaboutthebazookaintheclosetcough- (Me: Haha!! Figure out what I said// Kitsune (My buddy): Not that hard, idiot. // Me: ...SHUT UP!!!)_

_Shadow: ...Thanks for the info. -sprints for the closet-_

_Ren: NOOO!! Uh, before Shadow tries to kill me to avoid a certain demise-I MEAN, er...Uh...Be the victim-Wait, ugh...Why do I try? On with the damn fricken chapter..._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything...So please don't sue..._

_Ren: Oh, and characters may be OOC at times too!!_

_**Chapter 1 Chaos in the Hall**_

So, the gang was all at Sonic's house...BORED TO DEATH! Sonic, Tails, Amy, Cream with Cheese, and surprisingly Shadow were in the room with the karoke (I hoped I spelt that right) machine. Shadow was first and ended up singing Numb by Linkin Park. Everyone was amazed at how damn good he sang it too! Cream went next who sang Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield, and it was okay. It's would've been better if Cheese didn't try to eat the damn microphone! Tails went up and sang Hit Me Baby One Time by Britney Spears. Everyone was sort of creeped out...It was bad but oddly entertaining by the way Tails danced... Amy went up and sang Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie. She was okay...Sorta... Sonic sang SexyBack by Jusin Timberlake. IT WAS BAD!! So, currently, Sonic, who was singing so incredibly bad that the windows broke, is getting the shit beat out of him by Shadow who couldn't stand the singing! Amy WOULD'VE helped if it wasn't for the fact that Shadow stole her Piko Piko Hammer to beat the crap outta Sonic. Tails, Cream and Cheese left the room quietly out of fear. They passed near Rouge's room where Knuckles just so happened to leave.

"Knuckles? What were you going in Rouge's room?" Tails asked, not noticing the bag Knuckles had behind him.

"Uh...Nothing...She, uh, let me in! Yea that's it!"

"But Knuckles, Rouge isn't here! She left and went to the mall!" Cream said.

Knuckles just stood there. He looked around and found a bucket. He picked it up and TRIED to throw it at the two, but tripped and found that the bucket was filled with crap...literally...and landed on his head.

"Eeeew..." Cream muttered. She sniffed the air and looked ready to heave, and indeed she did! On Knuckles!!

"OH YOU GOT DAMN MOTHERFRECKING SON OF A BITCH!!" Knuckles yelled. Sonic, black and blue all over, (well, mostly black now) and the other came out of the room.

"Whoa Knuckles! You must've had to go badly!" Sonic laughed out.

"Shut the hell up, dumbass!" Knuckles said back.

"Heh..."

"Knuckles...Uh...looks like...-giggle- A giant turd!" Amy laughed out.

Knuckles now was PISSED. So, what does he do? Throw a tantrum!

"I HATE YOU GUYS!! GOSH!! I TRIP AND YOU GUYS MAKE OF ME AND WAAAAAAH!!!" Knuckles yelled, rolling on the floor and pissed off. "ALL OF YOU SUCK! GOD!! WHY GOD!? I JUST READ SHADOW'S DIARY ONCE!! **ONCE**!!!! ...Which happened to be the one where he acts all girly for some reason and starts-"

"Hey, what!? Amy...gimme back that damn Piko Piko Hammer...Someone's going to die now..."

"No! It's mine!"

"...Screw you then!" Shadow yelled and attacked Amy, Sonic watching in horror and amusement.

"Hey Tails..."

"Yea Sonic?"

"We should've made popcorn..."

"Big time, yo."

Cream though, was actually eating cream...While Cheese was trying to eat Knuckles' foot...Tails went to the kitchen and grabbed a giant frying pan. He came back, yelling to Shadow, "Shadow! Just use this and stop trying to kill Amy...She owes me $59.50!!!" and threw the pan.

Shadow looked behind him just in time for the pan to hit him square in the face, and when the pan dropped, well...if looks could kill, it would have killed Tails 100 times...

"Uh...oops...heh heh...Uh...DON'T KILL ME!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Tails went running, screaming like a little 5 year old girl who just saw the so-called Boogeyman in the dark. (Don't ask...)

Shadow just stood up and took the frying pan, still glaring in Tails' direction, but ended up smacking the shit outta everyone else, as well as Chaos Blasting the whole hall. At the end of it, Cream and Cheese were fried like grilled chicken, Sonic was now black with bruises, Amy was beaten to a pulp, and Knuckles was beaten to a bloody pulp that still, in Amy's words, looked like a giant turd. Tails never came out of his closet either in fear of being Chaos Blasted to death by Shadow. Rouge came back from the mall with tons of diamonds and obsessed over them for 3 hours before crying over the fact that she doesn't have her "beautiful and wonderful chaos emeralds that should be hers!"

_**End Chapter 1 Chaos in the hall**_

_Ren: Okay, I know. Could've been funnier and longer but I've been playing Tomb Raider: Legend for a while and it goes back in 2 days and well, I MUST FINISH IT!!! It's so cool! And my friend, Sophie, OWES ME MY SONIC HEROES GAME!! ...Oh, and does something good happen if you get all A on the all missions? I've beaten the main story game after 3 hours straight of trying to get the damn other 6 Chaos Emeralds with Team Rose...And it's probably just me, but they seem so much slower in the Emerald stages! Gah!! And I'm surprised I even tried it since I always seemed to get whacked by the enemy when I have the key!! SO DAMN ANNOYING!! But uh...-cough- enough rambling. Next one is a screwed up version of when Silver and Blaze first meet Mephiles and try to track down Sonic._

_Kitsune: Ugh...SO MUCH RAMBLING! GOD YOU SUCK!_

_Ren: HEY! ATLEAST I CAN GET MORE THAN 5 REVIEWS ON MY STORIES!!!_

_Kitsune: ...This is true...but you still suck, idiot._

_Ren: ...Where's the bazooka when Shadow isn't on a mad rampage when I need it? But uh, R&R please and no flames please...But, if you think it could be way funnier, tell me. It's been a while since I've written anything since I've been grounded and crap, so I need to warm up a tad._


	2. Screwed Up Silver

_Ren: Hi again! Next chappy! And uh...No I'm not gonna blow you guys up!_

_Sonic: -hiding behind the fridge- Just being cautious!_

_Shadow: -taking a nap on the couch, using the bazooka as his pillow-_

_Rouge: Good!_

_Tails: Yea!_

_Ren: ...Besides, I just joking...you guys suck sometimes..._

_Disclaimer: DON'T OWN ANYTHING!! I wonder...I own--- (gets shot)_

_Ren: O.O Uh...I feel bad for the disclaimer guy now...Uh...I don't own anything..._

_**Chapter 2 Screwed Up Silver **_

Here we are in the beginning of the Silver Episode in Crisis City with Silver and Blaze...Blaze was off somewhere and Silver was currently being ocuppied by fire ants and making them levitate. Unfortunately, one now blows up in his face.

"AAAAH!! IT BURNS!!" Silver yelled, running in circles, trying to put out the fire on his nose. "AAAH!!"

Silver, not paying attention, runs into a car on fire, putting his foot, and only his foot surprisingly, on fire. "AAAHH! BLAZY!! HELPY ME...-Y!!"

"Quit your yapping and the drugs will ya?" Blaze said, dumping water she found "somewhere" -coughpeecough- on Silver to put out the flames.

"I'M NOT ON DRUGS!!"

"Fine, then the extra sugared, extra shots, extra whipped creamed espressos you have every 10 minutes. Oh, and Iblis, the fat bastard, is back again. C'mon."

"Ew! Why do I smell like pee!?" Silver yelled, sniffing himself.

"...Uh...You don't? Can we go?"

"Okay!!" Silver said happily, skipping off the end of the building, then flying off.

During the battle...

"WAAAH!!! WHY AM I ALWAYS TARGETTED!!??? AND WHY DON'T YOU HELP, BLAZE!?"

"Uh...one, your furry and white...and big headed...while I'm lavender and a cat, so I know how to hide...And if you were in real danger, I'd help you!" Blaze said, filing her claws and sitting on a building away from the battle while Silver is getting huge ass rocks thrown at him and fire.

"YOU MUST BE BLIND THEN!! AAAAH!! FIRE! AAAH!! HOT HOT HOT!!!"

4 hours, 52 minutes, and some serious fire putting out with buckets of "water" later...

"Blaze, why do we keep doing this? It happens over and over! ...And I seriously smell like a fricken monkey that just rolled around in it's own shit from 5 days ago!"

"Because, we have to and why were you so detailed?"

"Um...I sorta sniffed...A monkey...that did that once and uh...Yea..."

"...You have serious problems!"

"...There is a way to stop this." Mephiles said, coming out from behind the big ass building. "Like a chicken comes from an egg, (I can't remember what else he says here for an example,) everything has an origin.You need to find out what orignally was responible for these events. The flame had to start somewhere."

Blaze just stared at Mephiles, still filing her claws, thinking, "What the hell? Why's he so hot?" while Silver wasn't paying attention. "Huh? What? A chicken? What about a chicken?"

"...You didn't listen did you?"

"No...But what about a chicken!? Are you gonna grill a chicken over the flames of Iblis!? OMIGOSH! CHICKEN KILLER! CHICKEN KILLER! THINK ABOUT THE CHICKEN!! How would he feel!? You're so mean!!" Silver yelled, going all spazzy.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!" Mephiles yelled, pissed off at how the idiot could have repetively beaten back Iblis.

"What!?"

"I'm not going to frecken cook anything! Are you retarded!?"

"NOO!!! I'm...uh...hungery! Yea that's it...Hungery!" Silver stated, one hand on his hip, and the other in the air with one finger up, (no not his middle!) and flashing a goofy smile.

"...I think my friend has finally lost it..."

"I think your friend lost it LONG ago..."

"I'm right here you know!"

"Shut up! Now, follow me if you want to know the truth about-"

"We gonna find out the truth about grilled chicken?"

"...Hold on..." Blaze muttered. She grabbed the bucket that had "water" in it moments before and slammed it on Silver's head, knocking him out. Dragging him by the legs, Blaze muttered, "Okay, lead the way."

A little bit later in wired up room with a giant screen...

"Here. These are my records of the Day of Diaster." Silver, awake, and Blaze stared at the screen.

"And, you have THIS person to blame." Mephiles said, grabbing a Chaos Emerald from behind his back and holding it out for Silver to take. (Where DO they keep the Chaos Emeralds when they have no bags!? In their asses or something!?)

"Dude! Did you just pull that out from your ass?! YOU SICKO!!" Silver yelled.

"Wha..? NO YOU IDIOT!!"

"Who keeps gems up their asses!? EEEWW!!"

"Uh...where DID you pull it from, Mephiles?" Blaze questioned.

"Ugh! Enough, you'll find out soon enough." Mephiles said, before transporting them to Soleanna when Sonic and everyone else is alive.

With Silver...

"WAAAAAAAAH!! WHERE'S BLAZY!?!? BLAZY!!!! I'm all alone!!! Aaaah!!" Silver screamed, running around the forest till he got to the gate to the city. "Oh..."

With Blaze...

"Ugh, great. Apparently we got seperated. I better find Silver, and quick or else he'll do something retarded..." Blaze sighed.

With Mephiles...

"FINALLY AWAY FROM THOSE IDIOTS!!" Mephiles said, pulling the Chaos Emerald from his ass, literally. "And they almost found out how I keep the Chaos Emerald without it being in my hand all the time..."

Later...

"Oh, where is Sonic? I can't find him! This is so hard...and I'm sorry for wasting your time Silver and blah blah, blahblahblah, blah blah..." Amy rambled on, they two of them in Soleanna.

"...Obsessed fangirl..." Silver thought before he saw Sonic. "Huh? Hey! There he is!" Silver said and tried blasting him, only to have Sonic jump outta the way.

"Yo, what gives!?" Sonic yelled.

"You must die, Iblis Trigger!!"

"Huh?"

"...I KNOW YOU...NOOOO!! I NEED An ESPRESSO!! It's been 10 minutes!! GAAAAH!!" Silver yelled, falling over.

"Uhhh..."

"Waaah!" Elise yelled.

"Elise!!" Off goes Sonic!!

"SOOOOONIIIIC!?" Amy yelled. "DAMNIT!! GOD DAMNIT ALL!! Huh? Silver!"

So...after 15 espressos later just to revive Silver, Blaze finds Silver and gives Amy the boot for feeding him espressos and ties Silver to a chair for the next 5 hours till he calms down...

And then back to looking for Sonic!

_**End Chapter 2 Screwed Up Silver**_

_Ren: Hopefully this chapter was better and shit. Although it ain't a random story, it is a crazy-ass, retarded version part of the story in Silver's Episode in Sonic the Hedgehog (2006)! So yea. R&R and no flames._

_Kitsune: ...Oh, and by the way, in last chapter Knuckles was stealing some of Rouge's bras and underwear for the shrine he has in the back of the closet that we'll get to later on._

_Ren: ...Thanks for the preview of next chapter, moron..._

_Kitsune: You're welcome- HEY!_

_Ren: ...Idiot..._


	3. Knuckles' Closet

_Ren: Hi, ya'll! I wish I'd get some reviews...I feel like my buddy now who almost NEVER gets reviews..._

_Kitsune: HEY!_

_Ren: Oh, oops...you were there?_

_Kitsune: Yea..._

_Ren: Oops..._

_Sonic: Can we get to the story before I fall asleep!? ...Why am I here anyway?_

_Ren: I dunno..._

_Kitsune: Because I chained you to the wall over there. -drools over Sonic-_

_Sonic: Ugh! -backs up- Whatever...GET ME OUT!! I'm trapped here by a rabid fangirl!! AAH!_

_Ren: ..._

_Shadow: ...Idiot..._

_Ren: Totally...if he'd just take off his shoes..._

_Shadow: He won't figure it out..._

_Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue me or shoot me please, like the last guy!_

_**Chapter 3 Knuckles' Closet**_

So, it's late at night, and everyone but Tails and Cream are asleep. The two of them just finished watching The Omen and a TV show called when Echindas Go Bad! (I do, uh, _hopefully_, own that...Really random)

Tails was lost in thought, thinking about what could be in Knuckles' room after watching the recent episode, which happened to be one where a nice echinda was actually going to kill everyone and everything cause he so pissed off at everything/everyone bothering him or for some reason pissing near the damn house!

_"What is Knuckles is going to do that? Or worse!? OR...OR!!! ...OMIGOSH!!!" _Tails thought, while Cream looked like she was going to have a freaking heart attack from being scared like hell.

"Hey, Cream..." Tails began, when Cream screamed. "OW MY EARS!! CREAM SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH!" "Sorry, Tails...I'm still scared shitless..." "No shit! Anyway, have you ever wondered what's in Knuckles' room?" Tails asked, when Cheese suddenly came into the room, dragging a sleeping Shadow, snuggling his pillow, to the kitchen.

"Uh...Cheese? What are you...Oh don't tell me you drank Shadow's beer again!" Cream said, trying to grab her net to get Cheese.

"Forget about that! Besides, Shadow wakes up if something is poured hot on him anyway. Lets go check out..." Tails said, only to find Cream chugging down some beer too and helping Cheese to try and grill Shadow, where someone will be saved by Rouge later with cheese, some milk, a blanket, and a pillow.

"Uh...nevermind then..." Tails said, creeping down to Knuckles room, where incredibly loud snores could be heard.

"What the hell? Knuckles sure is loud..." Tails said quietly as he opened the door. Knuckles was cuddling his pillow, drooling like an idiot, his dreads all over the place, and had one shoe on. The other foot...Lets just say it needed a power sander to even look barely good. Tails held back a laugh and stopped a light from Knuckles' closet. "_Oooh. Lets try in there!" _thought Tails.

He opened the closet and dug through all the gloves and shoes and...A fuzzy, pink tube top with matching miniskirt? ...Apparently pink dye too in the back...till Tails fell through all the crap and landed on his face.

"Ow!" Tails, rubbing his head, looked up to find a shrine of Rouge..."I KNEW IT! He DOES like Rouge!" Tails said, then added, "In a creepy, obsessive and probably stalkish way..." Atleast one piece of every type of clothes Rouge ever touched or owned, (like her bras, underwear, so forth,) was lined around it with jewels on this little shrine that looked like a mini version of the shrine for the Master Emerald. There were tons of pictures of her...and if you looked inside, well you don't really...want...to...know. Very disturbing...

Down the hall, Tails could hear the sound of a "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, CREAM AND CHEESE!?" and tons of girlish screaming, which unfortunately woke up Knuckles who, on instinct, jumped through all the crap in his closet and landed right in front of Tails. Tails was trying to creep out of there, and Knuckles was making a little prayer at the shrine which a little like this...

"Dear God which I hope looks like Rouge. Please let Rouge like me and never let her have to see this shrine...She'd probably kick my ass into next century if she knew I was taking her bras and crap...mostly her bras and the pictures...I'd probably get a whip beating with a bomb end THEN get my ass killed...Thank you..."

Tails couldn't help it, and he laughed his ass off. Knuckles though, sleeps with ear plugs because of his snoring, so he didn't hear Tails. (The ear plugs look like, guess? Rouge! Ding ding ding!) Tails quickly went through the crap though and rushed to the kitchen to find Cream, only to find an evilly smiling pleased Shadow drinking some beer while Cream and Cheese were slowly being put into a giant cauldron of boiling cooking oil, carrots, and other edibles. Tails just looked at Shadow and shook his head. "Why do I live with alchoholics?" Tails muttered and turned to leave when Shadow said, "Yo, Tails. You want some Rabbit-and-Chao stew in a little bit?" "Uh, no..." Tails replied, to find a Rouge with some cheese, some milk, a blanket and a pillow.

So, in the end of this retarded story, Rouge saved Cream and Cheese from being Shadow's next meal and made Shadow go back to sleep, Knuckles never found out that Tails discovered his little shrine, Tails told Rouge about the shrine who swore not to tell Knuckles who told her, and Rouge ended up murdering Knuckles with some cheese, bees, and honey. I have no idea how she did it either...

_**End Chapter 2 Knuckles' Closet**_

_Ren: Okay, 8 am and I did it! Woohoo!_

_Kitsune: Freak..._

_Ren: HEY! -grabs Shadow Rifle from Shadow the Hedgehog the game-_

_Kitsune: OH SH--- -BLAST!-_

_Ren: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!_

_Shadow: -grabs back rifle- That's...MY...gun...-looks at Kitsune- ...Niiiiice..._

_Ren: Thanks!_

_Sonic: O.O -runs-_

_Amy: SOOOOOOOOONIIIC!!!! WHERE ARE YOU!?!?_

_Shadow: -shoots Amy- Always wanted to do that..._

_Ren: Me too! Anyway, R&R please!_


End file.
